Problem: The report discusses how telescopes work, what types are
available, mounts, accessories, and techniques for beginning star
gazers. (The "how" and the "why" clauses are not
parallel to the "mounts," "accessories," and
"techniques" phrases.)
Revision: The report discusses how telescopes work, what types of
telescopes, mounts, and accessories are available, and how to begin your
hobby as a star gazer.
Problem: Customers often call the showroom to inquire about pricing,
what items are available, and to place orders. (The "what items
are available" clause does not go with the two phrases beginning with
"to.")
Revision: Customers often call the showroom to inquire about prices,
check on the availability of certain items, and place orders.
Problem: While the dialysis solution remains in the peritoneal
cavity, the dialysis is achieved, a process that includes the removal of
nitrogenous wastes and correcting electrolyte imbalances and fluid
overloads. (The "removal" phrase and the
"correcting" phrase are not parallel to each other.)
Revision: While the dialysis solution remains in the peritoneal
cavity, the dialysis is achieved, a process that includes the removal of
nitrogenous wastes and the correction of electrolyte imbalances and fluid
overloads.
Problem: This report is intended for people with some electronics
background but have little or no knowledge of geophysical
prospecting.(The "with" phrase is not parallel with the
"have little" clause--this one is not even grammatical.)
Revision: This report is intended for people with some electronics
background but with little or no knowledge of geophysical prospecting.
See parallelism problems for some additional practice.
Agreement problems Revisions The communications between The communications between the programmer and the rest the programmer and the rest of the company tends to be of the company tend to be rather informal. rather informal. The purpose of the monorails The purpose of the monorails have changed from one of has changed from one of carry- carrying food to one of ing food to one of carrying carrying people to work in people to work in crowded urban crowded urban areas. areas. The shortage of available The shortage of available in- infants and the availability fants and the availability of of children with special children with special needs needs has changed the focus have changed the focus of adop- of adoption for many parents. tion for many parents.
Agreement problems Revisions In the computer's memory is In the computer's memory are stored the program and the stored the program and the data to be manipulated by that data to be manipulated by that program. program. Either BASIC or Pascal are the Either BASIC or Pascal is the high-level computer language high-level computer language you should take first. you should take first. Skyrocketing charges for data Skyrocketing charges for data preparation, the need to keep preparation, the need to keep pace with rapidly increasing pace with rapidly increasing amounts of data, and amounts of data, and requirements for fast system requirements for fast system response has led to a search response have led to a search for more efficient input for more efficient input devices. devices. The magnetic-ink The magnetic-ink character-recognition device character-recognition device and the optical and the optical character-recognition device character-recognition device is two important advances in are two important advances in the preparation of batch the preparation of batch input. input.
Agreement problems Revisions In the computer's memory is In the computer's memory are stored the program and the stored the program and the data to be manipulated by that data to be manipulated by that program. program. Introduced in 1968 by the Introduced in 1968 by the Computer Machine Corporation Computer Machine Corporation was the concept of were the concept of key-to-disk processing and the key-to-disk processing and the concept of shared processing. concept of shared processing. Equivalent to more than 3000 Equivalent to more than 3000 punched cards are the single punched cards is the single diskette, first introduced in diskette, first introduced in 1972. 1972. Through the center of the core Through the center of the core runs several sense wires. run several sense wires.
Agreement problems Revisions Each of the steps in the Each of the steps in the process are treated in a process is treated in a separate chapter of this separate chapter of this report. report. Neither of the two Neither of the two high-level languages offer high-level languages offers a facility for designing a facility for designing your own variables. your own variables.
Agreement problems Revisions
Printing 54,000 chars. per 60 Printing 54,000 chars. per 60
seconds were considered a high seconds was considered a high
speed for printers at one time. speed for printers at one
time.
Reversing the direction of Reversing the direction of
currents through the wires change currents through the wires
the magnetic state of the core. changes the magnetic state
of the core.
What is truly amazing about bits What is truly amazing about
cells in integrated circuits are bits cells in integrated
that 30 cells lined up side by circuits is that 30 cells
side are about as wide as a human lined up side by side are
hair. about as wide as a human hair.
Problem: Lasers have also been used to study the reaction by which
nitric oxide and ozone make nitrogen dioxide (NO2) and molecular
oxygen. It plays an important role in the chemistry of the ozone
layer that surrounds the earth and protects us from the sun's harmful
ultraviolet radiation. ("It" what?)
Revision: Lasers have also been used to study the reaction by which
nitric oxide and ozone make nitrogen dioxide (NO2) and molecular oxygen.
This process plays an important role in the chemistry of the ozone
layer that surrounds the earth and protects us from the sun's harmful
ultraviolet radiation. (Okay, now we see...)
The second kind of pronoun-reference problem arises over lack of agreement
between the pronoun and what it refers to. Here is one common example:
Problem: Motorola has just announced their new PowerPC chip. Revision: Motorola has just announced its new PowerPC chip.The problem here is that "Motorola" is a singular thing, while "their" is a plural thing--they don't agree in number! Now, maybe any dummy knows what's being said here, but this is imprecise writing, and it can lead to serious problems, given the right situation. Here is a second example:
Problem: These days, every student needs to own their own computer.
Revision 1: These days, students need to own their own computers.
Revision 2: These days, every student needs to own his or her own
computer. (How politically correct...)
Revision 3: These days, every student needs to own a computer.
The problem in this example is that "student" does not agree with
"their": one is singular; the other, plural. Some self-proclaimed
authorities have tried to call this usage acceptable. However, it is
imprecise--and we care greatly about precision in technical writing. Maybe
not in this example, but in other situations, we might look elsewhere in
the context for the plural noun we think is being referred to by
"their." As you can see from the revisions, there sometimes is no
good way to fix the problem. (Things like "h/she" have pretty
much been booed off the stage.) Whenever it works, try converting the
singular noun to a plural--the plural pronoun will then be okay (but don't
forget to change the verb to plural).Here are some additional examples (the reference word is underlined and the pronouns are italicized):
Problem: NASA hoped that, by using production tooling rather than by
making each tool individually, they could save time and money.
Revision: NASA hoped that, by using production tooling rather than
by making each tool individually, it could save time and money.
Problem: If an energy efficient system can be developed, electrical
vehicles could become as popular as its conventional counterpart.
Revision: If an energy-efficient system can be developed, electrical
vehicles could become as popular as their conventional counterpart.
Problem: Currently, Houston has $328.2 million in their
1984-1985 budget to help fund a new form of mass transportation.
Revision: Currently, Houston has $328.2 million in its 1984-1985
budget to help fund a new form of mass transportation.
Problem: Aerobic fitness programs help to improve an employee's
physical condition by strengthening their circulatory, muscular, and
respiratory systems.
Revision: Aerobic fitness programs help to improve an employee's
physical condition by strengthening his circulatory, muscular, and
respiratory systems.
Problem: American industry should implement aerobic fitness programs
for the betterment of their employees even if there is some
opposition to it at first. (A double dose of pronoun-reference
grief!)
Revision: American industry should implement aerobic fitness
programs for the betterment of its employees even if there is some
opposition to it at first.
It was the NBS engineers [who, whom?] Sen. Eagleton's office
contacted on July 17.
It was the NBS engineers [who, whom?] performed the tests on
the walkways.
Send a copy of the report to [whoever, whomever?] wants one.
No one is sure [who, whom?] will be the next mayor.
It was the NBS engineers to [who, whom?] Sen. Eagleton's
office made the request for technical assistance.
It was the NBS engineers [who, whom?] Sen. Eagleton's office
contacted on July 17.
It was the NBS engineers [who, whom?] performed the tests on
the walkways.
Send a copy of the report to [whoever, whomever?] wants one.
No one is sure [who, whom?] will be the next mayor.
It was the NBS engineers to [who, whom?] Sen. Eagleton's
office made the request for technical assistance.
Sen. Eagleton's office contacted the NBS engineers.
The NBS engineers performed the tests on the walkways.
[Who, whom] wants one?
[Who, whom] will be the next mayor?
Sen. Eagleton's office made the request for the technical
assistance to the NBS engineers.
Sen. Eagleton's office contacted them. => (whom)
They performed the tests on the walkways. => (who)
He wants one? => (who)
She will be the next mayor? => (who)
Sen. Eagleton's office made the request for the technical
assistance to them. => (whom)
It was the NBS engineers whom Sen. Eagleton's office contacted
on July 17.
It was the NBS engineers who performed the tests on the
walkways.
Send a copy of the report to whoever wants one.
No one is sure who will be the next mayor.
It was the NBS engineers to whom Sen. Eagleton's office made
the request for technical assistance.
Capital letters should be used for proper names--formal, official names of things and people. For example, Tandem Corporation is a proper name; Mosaic is a proper name of a software product. However, a loose reference to the "development area" at IBM does not need caps; it's not the official name of that area. Similarly, WordPerfect is a proper name, but not its grammar-checking feature. In technical writing, the impulse is often to use caps for the components of a thing--fight it off! For example, if we were discussing the disk drive, the monitor, the CPU unit, the modem, the mouse, or the printer of a computing system, none of it should be capitalized. However, if we were talking about the the Dell NL40 Notebook computer, the Microsoft Mouse, or the IBM 6091 Display, then certainly caps are in order.
Of course, there are some exceptions. For example, in instructions, you want to reproduce the capitalization style shown on buttons, knobs, and other physical features of products as well as on the display screens of computer programs just as they are shown on the hardware. If I have a Service button on my computer, I'd write it as Service or SERVICE, whichever way it is shown on the machine.
A common misuse of capitalization involves acronyms. You know that whenever you use an acronym in your text, you should spell it out first then show its acronym in parentheses. Writers often want to put the spelled-out version in initial caps; you would do so only if the spelled-out version were a proper name in its own right:
The National Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was formed just
after Word War II.
When you turn your computer on, it normally goes through a process
called initial program load (IPL).
These capitalization rules often get bent a little in resumes and
application letters. Typically, names of occupations and fields, and job
titles get initial caps. By standard capitalization rules, that's not
correct, but the usage is so strong in these two types of documents that it
has become acceptable.
Some 19 million tons of sulphur dioxide are discharged from US sources
alone each year, and another 14 million tons from Canada.(Using the
number "19" and the word "million" indicates an
approximate amount. "19,000,000" might make some readers think
it was an exact amount.)
It was not until after December 1952, when 4000 people died in London from
air pollution in just a few days, that real gains in pollution-control
legislation were made.
The US Army's standard airborne Doppler navigator weighs 28 lb (12.7 kg),
requires 89 W of power, and operates at 13.325-GHz frequency.
All vitrain of the European classification, if more than 14 micrometers
thick, has been regarded as anthraxylon.
In 1971, 11 countries accounted for about 91 percent of world production of
coal.
The Department of the Interior has just published a report that reviews 65
different coal gasification processes.
Combustion turbines total about 8% of the total installed capability of
US utility systems and supply less than 3% of the total energy generated.
Internal combustion engines in small power plants account for about 1% of
the total power-system generating capability of the US.
The water-cement ratio will generally range from 4 gal of water per sack of
cement to about 9 gal per sack. (These are exact values here; in
technical writing, use the numeral even if it is below 10.)
The problem is located in piston number 6. (When there enumerated items
or parts, technical writing uses the number, as in this example. But notice
that no "#" or "No." is used.)
The signal occurs in 6-second intervals.
The order is for 6-, 8-, and 12-foot two-by-fours.
Use Code 3 if a system shutdown occurs.
Mined coals commonly contain between 5 and 15 percent mineral
matter.
The above illustration shows a 20-unit coaxial cable with 9 working coaxial
pairs and 2 standby coaxials, which automatically switch in if the
electronics of the regular circuits fail.
There are 59 different species of the coffee shrub, but only 4 are of
commercial importance.
Most grinds of coffee contain particles ranging in size from 0.023 to 0.055
inches in diameter.
Using carrier frequencies between 0.535 MHz and 1.605 MHz in the US, AM
broadcasting stations sprang up all over the country beginning in the
1910s.
As a base from which to work, 2-1/2 to 3 gal of water are needed for each
sack of cement for complete hydration and maximum strength. (These are
exact values; therefore, in the technical-writing context, we use
numerals. Notice how fractional values are handled: put a hyphen between
the whole number and the fraction to prevent misreading.)
The order for twelve 30-foot beams was placed yesterday.
The order was for 30 fifteen-gallon tubs.
They used six 8-pound sacks of nails.
The microprocessors of the 70s and 80s operated under the control of clocks
running at 1 to 5 MHz, that is, 1 to 5 million counts per second.
Your eye has a bandwidth of 370 trillion Hz, the visible spectrum.
Transmission rates on ETHERNET range from 1 to 10 megabits per second
(0.125 to 1.25 million bytes per second).
In 1978, the satellite carriers' revenues were about $88 million, and by
1986, they are expected to reach $800 million.
Most communications satellites are in geostationary orbit: at an altitude
of 22,300 miles over the surface of the earth and at a distance of 26,260
miles from the center of the earth (the earth's radius being 3960 miles).
Aggregates constitute about 70 percent of a concrete mix.
Uniform compaction of 95% or better of standard AASHO densities is
recommended.
In this book, Chapter 7 discusses the different audiences of technical
prose and translation techniques for communicating effectively with the
less specialized ones.
The wheels of the four-wheel tractor give it increased speed over the
Crawler, but because of the weight distribution over four wheels rather
than over two wheels or tracks, this vehicle has less traction.
Hundreds of thousands of people will have purchased microcomputers by the
end of 1980. Tens of millions of them will bought them by the end of the
century.
There are two telephones in service today for every three people in the
US.
In 1965, Dr. Gordon Moore announced his "law" that the complexity
of a chip would double every year for ten years. (Use the word
"ten" here because it is not an exact amount.)
The typical stand-alone microcomputer system consists of seven physical
components. (Use the word "seven" here because, even though it
seems like an exact amount, it is not a key value. It doesn't have the same
significance as the "7"would have in "7 quarts of
oil.")
If you are using page-zero addressing, use a RAM for memory page zero.
Primary fuel cells are those through which reactants are passed only one
time.
Before recharging, A zinc-carbon battery must have a working voltage not
less than one volt. (Even in technical-writing contexts, rules for one
and zero vary. Just pick a style and stay with it. Using the word
"one" is the standard in this example.)
Japan has roughly one-third of the US production of dry batteries. (In
running text, always write out fraction like this, and hyphenate
them. However, you'd still write "5-1/2 inches.")
The radial fractures are so extensive that they are the dominant structural
element over half of Mars's surface. (And just to be sure,
"half" by itself in running text is always a word.)
A nanosecond is one-billionth of a second.
Inside the UP are three 16-bit registers. (When you have two separate
numerical values side by side, one has to be a word, and the other a
numeral. Styles vary here, but make the numeral the higher number. Contrast
with the next example.)
Data from the frequency counter take the form of 16 seven-bit ASCII words.
Sales of batteries have increased from $510 million on the average during
1957-1959 to $867 million in 1966 and are projected to exceed $1.8 billion
in 1980.
The speed of light is roughly 300 million meters per second.
Fifty-three representatives of different software development companies
showed up at the meeting. (Never start a sentence with a numeral in any
writing context. With this example, some rewriting might be a wise idea to
get the numerical out of the beginning of the sentence, as in the following
rewrite.)
At the meeting, 53 representatives of different software development
companies showed up.
First of all, remember that symbols and abbreviations are distracting to readers; they are different from the normal flow of words. However, there are plenty of cases where the written-out version is more distracting than the symbol or abbreviation. Also, the context (specifically, technical or nontechnical) has a lot to do with which to use.
Imagine a technical document which has only one or two references to numerical measurements in inches. There is no reason to use symbols or abbreviations here--just write the thing out. But imagine a technical document with numerous feet and inch references: using symbols or abbreviations in this case is better, more readable, more efficient for both reader and writer. But which? Imagine the amount of foot and inch references there would be in a carpentry project (for example, a dog house). In this case, the symbols, " and ' would be greatly preferable. However, this would be an extreme case; otherwise, use the abbreviations.
Which are the standard symbols and abbreviations to use? Go with the standards in the field in which you are writing, or with those found in a standard reference book such as a dictionary. Don't make them up yourself (for example, "mtrs" for meters)!
What about plurals? Very few abbreviations take an s to indicate plural: for example 5 in. means 5 inches. For the few that you think might take the s, check a dictionary.
What about obscure abbreviations and symbols? If you are concerned that readers might not recognize the abbreviation or symbol, write its full name in parentheses just after the the first occurrence of that abbreviation or symbol.
Here are some examples of abbreviations or symbols in text:
High resolution displays use larger video bandwidths, up to 30 MHz
or more.
Most touch-sensitive displays use a matrix of either
LED/photodiodes or transparent capacitor arrays to detect a
physical touch.
The part of the memory that is easily alterable by the operator
consists of RAM chips.
A satellite in geostationary orbit looks at the earth with a cone
angle of 17.3° corresponding to an arc of 18,080 km along the
equator.
The arc from 53° W to 139° W will cover 48 states (excluding Alaska
and Hawaii) and is said to provide conus coverage.
Fairchild Industries, Inc., was an early participant in commercial
satellites.
The voice was compressed from the usual 64-kb/s pulse code
modulation (PCM) to 32 kb/s per channel by near-instantaneous
companding (a modified PCM technique).
Terrestrial microwave radio communications require repeaters spaced
every 20 to 40 mi from each other.
Over a period of several days the spacecraft is tracked from the
ground and positioned on station (i.e., in the preassigned orbital
spot) in order to commence operations.
A velocity increment of approximately 155 ft/s per year is required
to correct drift problems in satellites.
The ancient battery-like objects made by the Parthians in 250 BC
were thin sheets of copper soldered into a cylinder 1.125 cm long
and 2.6 cm in diameter.
The standard electrodes are the normal and the 0.1 normal (N)
calomel electrodes in which the system is Hg|KCl solution saturated
with HgCl.
Such batteries contain 4400 cc of water in which NaOH is dissolved.
Water pressure in the heat recovery loop can be as much as 25 psig.
Return to the table of contents for the Online Technical Writing Course Guide
(the online textbook for online technical
communication courses at Austin Community College and other institutions worldwide).